


The Signature of the Sun

by foggynelson



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 07:37:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6695755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynelson/pseuds/foggynelson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upset, Clary tells Isabelle everything she loves about her until close, kissing, together and everything is good. Or it is until Clary leaves and ignores Isabelle for days on end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Signature of the Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Written for a prompt on tumblr. Title from Saul William's _, said the shotgun to the head_ , specifically the line: “she kissed as if she, alone, could forge the signature of the sun."

Isabelle’s ears won’t stop ringing. She had thought maybe she was over it now - over being upset with her parents, over trying to please them. But hearing, “We’re so disappointed in you,” and “How dare you disrespect our family like this,” is too much.

She thinks about talking to Alec, but doesn’t want to bring him down. Their parents are barely speaking to him at this point. Isabelle knows that if she tells Alec, he’ll go and yell at them and Isabelle doesn’t want that. At least not fully.

So Isabelle just wanders through the halls aimlessly. It’s hard, but Isabelle’s doing her best to keep her thoughts at bay. It works for a bit, but the thoughts eventually take control, every bad thought she’s ever had just flooding over, taking charge of everything. Her hands begin to shake and Izzy can’t move, her breaths sharp.

Her sight begins to blur as her eyes start to fill with tears. Isabelle hears her name called from behind her. She turns and sees Clary there. “Hey, did you want to - Oh my god, Izzy, are you all right?” Isabelle’s not sure how she manages, but she shakes her head no.

Clary pulls her tight against her and holds her there. They part a moment later and Clary holds to Isabelle’s hand and pulls her into Clary’s room. The two sit on her bed and Clary asks, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Isabelle knows she should. The rational part of her mind reminds her how important it is to express her feelings. But there’s a part of her screaming not to share, that Clary will just run away as soon as she’s vulnerable. She opens her mouth a few times to speak, struggling to find the words, but eventually just settles on, “My parents hate me. I’ll never be good enough for them. I’ll never be good enough for anyone. No one will love me. I’m the worst… the absolute worst.” Isabelle’s crying as she speaks, her voice shaky and low.

Clary looks at Isabelle, who’s looking down at her hands. Clary gives Isabelle’s hand a squeeze. “You’re not the worst,” she whispers. “You’re the best person I know. You’re so smart. I mean, you're the best forensic pathologist in New York. You’re such a talented and skilled fighter. I’m always in awe of you every time we go on a mission. You’re fashionable and absolutely beautiful.

“But not only that, you’re so caring. The way you’re there for and love Alec and Jace and Max is so amazing. You have so much love that you give to others. You’re funny and make everyone feel so happy when they’re around you. You were the most kind and caring when I first arrived. You only gave me love and hope and I am so grateful for that. I think the absolute world of you, Izzy.”

Isabelle can’t stop staring at Clary as she speaks, her mouth slightly agape. There should be something to say, but nothing comes. Instead she finds herself leaning into Clary, who leans back until they’re kissing.

Clary’s lips are soft against hers and her mouth is warm, inviting. Clary reaches up and runs her hand through Izzy’s hair. Izzy shivers at the touch. It’s so soft and sweet and Isabelle feels safe and warm. The kiss lasts until it no longer can, when the have to part to breathe. Isabelle looks at Clary, trying to find the right words. But once again, they are lost to her.

Before Isabelle has a chance to find them, Clary is up, leaving, gone. Izzy sits in silence, no idea of what to do, unsure if she possess the ability to move anymore. When she does manage, Izzy makes her way to her own bed. She lies down and tries to sleep, but her mind is consumed by Clary.

  


* * *

  
 

The next few days are rough for Isabelle. Clary virtually ignores her. When they have to be in the same room, Clary clings to Jace’s side. When she addresses Isabelle, she doesn’t even look at her. Isabelle doesn’t know what to do. She thinks about talking about it, but she doesn’t know how or to whom.

The most obvious choice is to talk to Alec. He would understand. But she holds herself back. The thought of burdening Alec stops her. She wants what’s best for him and she’s sure holding this in is the best thing.

She’s held this all in for so long already, never knowing or admitting to herself the feelings that have been there for so long. It’s easier this way. Alec deserves to be happy and in love - bus Isabelle? She’s never been good enough; she doesn't deserve the happiness her brother does.

More than anything, Isabelle just wants to talk to Clary. Isabelle needs to know what that was; did it matter to her? Does her heart race when she thinks of her? Is it harder to breathe when she’s around? Because it is for Isabelle and she needs to know if she’s the only one.

Isabelle tries to put all of her feelings into fighting. She practices, sparring with both Alec and Jace. It’s not very often that she can beat Jace, but she’s a bit better than Alec when it comes to fighting with seraph blades. 

Only today, she’s so off her game that it only takes three minutes before Alec has Izzy on the ground, blade placed against her neck. Alec reaches out to lift her up, but Isabelle refuses his hand and stands up on her own. “Again,” she says. And they go again. And again. And again, each time Isabelle makes small mistakes that trip her up and leave her vulnerable.

“Let’s take a break,” Alec suggests after the fifth time. Alec throws Izzy her water bottle and the two sit on the edge of the training room. “You doing all right?” Alec asks.

Izzy shrugs. The words are right there - no, I’m not all right. I’m confused and scared and tired and I don’t know what to do about anything. But she’s still determined to leave Alec out of this, still sure that that’s the right thing to do.

“You know you can tell me anything, Isabelle,” Alec replies. He doesn’t call her Isabelle much, only when he’s serious, only when what he’s saying is important. Izzy looks over at him, and two just look at each other for a while. Isabelle doesn’t know what it is exactly, but there’s something about Alec’s eyes, the way he’s looking at her, that she realizes she can’t keep this from him. She can’t continue to lie to her brother, her best friend in the whole world.

“Clary kissed me,” she whispers. Part of her hopes Alec doesn’t hear and she can pretend she never said a word. But he did hear and she can see it on his face, his eyes widening just a bit.

“Clary kissed you?” he asks for clarification. Isabelle nods. “And?”

“And what?”

“I don’t know. How do you feel about it?”

“Good. Really good. Better than I’ve ever felt about kissing anyone.” Isabelle looks down and says, more to herself than to Alec, “I think I kind of love her.” Isabelle looks up again at her brother, hoping for something from him. She doesn’t know what she wants, what he can do.

“Does she know?” Alec asks.

“About how I feel?” Alec nods. Isabelle shakes her head. “What if she doesn’t like me? What will that do to our friendship? She’s barely even talking to me as it is. She probably thinks kissing me was a mistake.”

“Or,” Alec counters, “she cares about you just as much as you do but doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s hard, Iz, being in love.” 

“Everything good with you and Magnus?” Isabelle questions, concerned.

“Yeah. It’s great. It’s still hard, though. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”

Isabelle nods. She’s not sure if it’s worth it. But then she thinks - thinks about what it would be like to be with Clary, to hold her hand, to kiss her goodnight, to tell her over and over again how much she loves her. Isabelle’s heart aches at the thought and she thinks maybe, yeah, maybe it could be worth it.

  


* * *

  
 

It’s another few days later when Isabelle realizes she can’t take this anymore. She has to talk to Clary. She can’t continue to feel like her heart is going to burst. She can’t continue to have Clary basically act like she doesn’t even exist. She realizes that she deserves better.

It’s after a mission, everyone worn and tired, that Isabelle approaches Clary. Jace is by her side and they’re talking about the demon Clary killed. “Hey Jace,” Isabelle says, standing next to him. “Can I talk to Clary?” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” Jace walks off and Isabelle is faced with Clary. Clary won’t even look at her and Isabelle feels sick. It’s obvious that Clary is upset; it’s obvious that Clary wishes they had never kissed. It’s so obvious, but Isabelle still needs to hear Clary say it, that way Isabelle can move on, leave this love for Clary behind.

“You can’t keep ignoring me,” Isabelle states. “It’s not good for anyone. It’s not good for the mission. It’s not good for me.” Isabelle stops, taking a breath. “I get that you’re upset and you regret kissing me or whatever, but you’re gonna have to move past that.”

It’s quiet for a minute before Clary says, “You think I regret kissing you?”

“Don’t you?” Isabelle questions.

“Of course not,” Clary replies, her voice raspy. “I… it’s so stupid and cliche or whatever, but I just didn’t know how to handle it. Kissing you. Loving you. Wanting you. I didn’t know what to do so I just. I shut down and hoped everything would just go away. It didn’t. It won’t. And I knew that. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t imagine you loving me back.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Isabelle replies with a small laugh. “Of course I love you back. Of course. How could I not? You are my sun.” Isabelle reaches out and cups Clary’s face in hand. Her skin is soft and smooth; Isabelle runs her thumb up and down Clary’s neck.

When they kiss this time, it’s rougher, more desperate, full of more longing and want. Clary tastes of light and love and Isabelle smiles as she takes all of her in. They part and Isabelle is blushing. She looks down, her smile so bright and alive.

Clary grabs Isabelle’s hand and the two walk off together, linked. 

  


* * *

  
 

“You were right,” Isabelle tells Alec the next morning. He’s still in bed, but Isabelle is dressed, ready, beaming down at her older brother.

“Of course I was,” Alec mumbles, still half asleep. “Remind me again what I was right about?”

“About Clary. About love. It is worth it.” Isabelle smiles and bounces off down the hall to find her girlfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Please let me know what you think and come talk to me on [tumblr](http://andvsamberg.tumblr.com/). And send me [prompts](http://andvsamberg.tumblr.com/prompt-page) too.


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